A South Park Love Triangle
by eBayaNgel2000
Summary: A new girl comes to South Park and Stan and Cartman fall in love with her. Then she's secretly dating both. Will they find out that she's twotiming both of them? Rated T for mild language, possible P.D.A, thematic elements and possible crudesexual humor.
1. The New Girl

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the South Park characters except Jade Leigh

Chapter One: The New Girl

Well, we have a new girl in South Park. Blonde, hot stuff and brown eyed. She probably was going to be the big deal around South Park

"And I say I get the Wii!!" said Butters.

"No me!" said Kyle.

"Hello there," said the girl.

"Oh hey. Who are you?" said Cartman.

"Name's Jade and I'm 16 years old. How about you?" said Jade.

"We're all 17," said the boys.

"New here?" said Stan.

"Yep," I replied.

"I can introduce you to the people," said Kyle after the long silence.

"I have to go now. I'm already best friends with Bebe," said Jade.

Then she walked away but she could tell that the boys were whispering about her.

"She's so hot," drooled Cartman who looked like he was thinking perverted thoughts.

"She's mine," snapped Stan.

"I saw her first!" said Cartman.

Then they were bickering over Jade and then got into a group fight.

"Fine we'll play Spin the Bottle and invite the girls."

"No way! I'm vowing to never kiss a girl until I'm married," said Stan.

"Uh Cartman, you can call him a pussy now," said Kenny.

"Stan, don't be such a pussy," said Kyle and Cartman. "You know you want her."

"I do not," said Stan. "I only have eyes for Powder."

"Stan and Jade sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G," sang Kenny.

"Shut up Kenny!"

"First comes love," sang Cartman.

"Then comes marriage," sang Kyle.

"Then comes Stan in a baby carriage," sang all of the boys except Stan as he kept turning red.

"Screw you guys," said Stan. "I'm going home."

Then Stan ran off for home and muttered to himself that Jade was beautiful.

"You like her too, Cartman," said Kyle.

"Nuh-uh!"

"Cartman and Jade sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" sang Butters.

"Screw you guys," said Cartman. "I'm going home."

Then Cartman decided to go back home to take care of his new sibling, Bretta.

So does Stan and Cartman really have a crush on Jade or are they just fooling around? 


	2. Stan's Date with Jade

Chapter Two: Jade Likes Stan

"Are you gonna ask out the new girl?" said Butters.

"No way dude," said Stan. "I'm putting off dating for quite a while."

"What's the matter, are you afraid you're gonna get dumped again like when Wendy and Bebe dumped you?" said Kenny.

"Bebe didn't dump me, it was mutual. We decided we didn't love each other that much anymore so we decided to be friends, just like with me and Wendy," said Stan.

"Bullcrap dude."

"TIMMMMAAY!!!" said Timmy.

"You like her," said Kyle.

"Not true," said Stan, blushing.

"Stan and Jade sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G," sang Butters.

"Hi Stan," said Jade.

"Uh hi," said Stan.

"I was just wondering if we could go see Scary Movie 8," said Jade.

"Hold a minute," said Stan, going over to talk to his friends. "Can I talk to you guys for a minute?"

Then Butters, Stan, Cartman, Timmy, Kyle and Kenny went to a tree to talk.

"This is your big chance!" said Cartman. "You could even ask her to marry you!"

"I wouldn't do it if I were you Stan," said Butters. "You could get dumped like what Wendy did to you 7 years ago. What a stupid shrew anyway."

"I agree with Cartman," said Kenny. "You could even score with her."

"Not a good idea, Stan," said Kyle. "Butters is right. You could get dumped."

"Timmaayy, Timmaayy," said Timmy. He was saying "I don't know if I should agree with Butters and Kyle or Kenny and Cartman."

"I'm gonna take Cartman's side."

"Yes, Jade, we can," said Stan as he walked back over to her.

"Oh Stan, thank you," said Jade. "I just dumped Jimmy because he kissed some 19 year old with braces and I needed a rebound."

"Oh," said Stan.

Then, Jimmy, from far away was staring jealously at Stan and Jade.

"No one m-m-messes with my g-g-g-g-girlfriend!" said Jimmy.

So at 5:00, Stan went over to Jade's house and went to the movies. Jimmy was planning to sneak in to spy on them because he was jealous about the new possible couple.

"Can I have some popcorn, Stan?" said Jade.

"Sure."

Then Jade accidentally landed on Stan's shoulder. Then Stan put his arm around her.  
Then came a passionate lip-lock.

Then it was midnight and Stan and Jade fell asleep in the movies.

"Midnight already?"

"Yep."

"Can I go over to your place?" said Jade.

"Yep."

Then they drove back to Stan's house.

Will this relationship last or will it be a hit and run? 


	3. UhOh

Chapter Three: Rumors 

"I hear that Jade Leigh is a Valley Girl and a hippie, Cartman's worst nightmare ever for a girlfriend," said Butters.

"And I hear she's having rivalry with Wendy just because Bebe and Jade were friends once in Cali before Bebe moved her," said Kyle.

"I hear that Jade's not only going out with Stan but she's going with Cartman," said Kenny.

"And that Stan's kind of going out with Powder, but on the DL without Jade knowing," said Butters.

"Dude," said Stan, appearing, after Butters revealed that rumor. "If you're spreading rumors about Jade, those are just bullshit. And if you have a problem with me and Jade being together, then screw off."

Then Stan walked away angrily. He would rarely stick up for any of his girlfriends.

As Kyle, Butters and Kenny were gossiping about Jade, Wendy and Jimmy were sitting near Stark's Pond.

"Jealous about something?" said Wendy.

"Y-yeah," said Jimmy. "I never should have been with that slutty Jade."

"I'm really jealous that Bebe is hanging out more with Jade than me. She's my best friend," said Wendy.

"Stan's dating Jade now if it makes you feel any better," said Jimmy.

"I'm even more jealous about that," said Wendy, angrily. "He said we were going on a date last week and he stood me up."

"I'm sure B-B-Bebe's even more jealous," said Jimmy.

"Oh no," said Wendy. "She's with Timmy now, but she's still friends with Stan."

Then Jade and Cartman were at a movie, which was Epic Movie 2.

"Can I have some popcorn, Eric?" said Jade.

"Yes you may, Jade," said Cartman. This was the first time he was not dissing any of his girlfriends and even offering some popcorn to them.

Then Jade's phone rang, luckily it was on vibrate and oh no, it was Stan.

"Hello?"

"Uh, Jade, didn't we have a date tonight at Raisins?"

"Yeah but I'm out with Bebe now," said Jade. "One minute."

Then Jade told Cartman to sound like Bebe to make it sound like she was really with Bebe instead of Cartman and Jade lied to Cartman it was her mom.

"Hello there Mrs. Leigh," said Cartman trying to sound just like Bebe.

"Excuse me?" said Stan, almost in falsetto.

Then Jade quickly hung up.

"Sorry, Eric," said Jade.

"It's OK."

Meanwhile, Powder came up to Stan because she was really suspicious.

"Stan?" said Powder. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Yeah," said Stan.

"We had a date yesterday. What happened? If you have another girl, we can just breakup but still be friends."

"I promise, we can go out on a date, next week. I'm not doing anything."

"Alright, then," sighed Powder. "But if you're lying..."

"I swear on my sister's deathbed."

Then they kissed and Powder went to Bebe's to hang out for a while.

Next thing you know, Wendy sees Stan and comes up to him because she fears that Stan's going out with another girl.

"Stan," began Wendy.

"What?"

"Where were you last week? We had a date, remember?"

"Oh yeah, but I was at the Broncos' game with my friends..."

"If you have someone else, we can be friends still..."

"I don't!"

"Jesus Stan, don't be defensive... I'm going to Bebe's...I'll talk to you later."

Then Wendy walked over to Bebe's and Stan looked guilty.

Two girls... he thought. I lied to 'em both and if they both find out I've been two-timing them, not Bebe of course, but if Wendy and Powder find out I've been triple-timing them...they'll never forgive me.

Meanwhile, Wendy, Bebe and Powder were conversing.

"Any ideas for me and Stan's date?" said Wendy.

"You and Stan's date?!" said Powder. "He has a date with me!"

"He said me!"

"No me!"

Then Powder and Wendy started getting into a fist-fight.

"STOP IT YOU TWO!!!" said Bebe. "He's also dating Jade."

"Oh my God!"

"That bastard! I let him wear my three inch heels!" snapped Powder.

"Guys, I know ways that we can get back at him!" said Bebe. Then Powder and Wendy looked up and said "How?"

So, how will they get revenge? Tune in for chapter Four!


	4. The Big Plan

Chapter Five: Revenge is Awesome! 

"Whoa, Cartman," said Kyle. "I swear to god you look like a total draq queen."

"Need my falsetto?" said Cartman, in falsetto.

"That is a good one."

"Now go to Jade's house and me and the rest are gonna get some TP and oranges."

Then Cartman strutted his stuff with the rest of the gang who looked like robbers.

"Now Cartman!" said Kenny.

Ding dong! Then Jade answered quickly while Bebe climbed up the window to taint the makeup.

"Hello, little whore!" said Cartman in falsetto.

"Who you callin' a whore?"

"I just wanted to tell you Cartman dumped you for me, Mercades."

"You bitch!!!"

"It's on! Whateva, whateva! I do what I want!"

Then Cartman went inside and started trashing it up.

"My Berkinstocks! Stop it, Mercades!!!"

"You will respect my authoritah!" said Cartman in falsetto.

"Fuck off Mercades!!! That's Cartman's line! Not yours!"

Meanwhile, the others were busy TPing her house and Stan threw a roll of TP over her house without hesistation. Then Kyle threw a roll with some puke on it and that's what Jade REALLY hated. Anything that was gross on her clothes and/or stuff and she was always complaining if her hair or clothes were screwed up and she'd slap anyone who'd disagree that her clothes looked good even if it was her best friend.

Then Bebe was busy squeezing orange juice in Jade's makeup.

"All done," whispered Bebe, down to the gang. "Serves her right!"

"Who the hell was that?" said Jade, hearing Bebe's voice as Bebe jumped down the window so she wouldn't get caught.

Meanwhile, Cartman got into a fight with Jade, oblivious to the fact that Mercades was Cartman in disguise to get back at her.

"Watch my 100 dollar blouse, bitch!!"

"Who you callin' a bitch, you whore! You cheated on Cartman and now he' cryin' his ass off! Now who's the bitch?!"

Then Jade tore Cartman's skirt that he stole from Jade only to find out that he was wearing boxers and was a total boy.

"You son of a bitch!" screamed Jade. "You just wanted to beat me up just because I was going out with Stan Marsh, your friend!"

Then Cartman gave her not only a shocked look but an angry look.

"Oh shit," said Jade. "I said way too much..."

Then Cartman gestured the gang to come in to torture her much more.

"You dated my friend Cartman behind my back!" said Stan.

"You stole my best friend!" said Wendy.

"You called my family stupid and that's Cartman's job!" snapped Kyle.

"You jacked a bunch of my shirts when I wasn't home!" said Powder.

"You called me a stupid blonde bitch who was a gold digger!" snapped Bebe.

"You screwed my friends over!" screamed Kenny even though it was totally inaudible because he had has parka hood on. "It's no wonder Bebe moved away from you!!!!"

"Fuck off guys! Get out! I'm gonna see you tomorrow and you're gonna die!!"

So... will she really beat them up or is she going is on them?


	5. Torture Sprinkled With a Big Fight

Chapter Five:

"Whoa, Cartman," said Kyle. "I swear to god you look like a total draq queen."

"Need my falsetto?" said Cartman, in falsetto.

"That is a good one."

"Now go to Jade's house and me and the rest are gonna get some TP and oranges."

Then Cartman strutted his stuff with the rest of the gang who looked like robbers.

"Now Cartman!" said Kenny.

Ding dong! Then Jade answered quickly while Bebe climbed up the window to taint the makeup.

"Hello, little whore!" said Cartman in falsetto.

"Who you callin' a whore?"

"I just wanted to tell you Cartman dumped you for me, Mercades."

"You bitch!!!"

"It's on! Whateva, whateva! I do what I want!"

Then Cartman went inside and started trashing it up.

"My Berkinstocks! Stop it, Mercades!!!"

"You will respect my authoritah!" said Cartman in falsetto.

"Fuck off Mercades!!! That's Cartman's line! Not yours!"

Meanwhile, the others were busy TPing her house and Stan threw a roll of TP over her house without hesistation. Then Kyle threw a roll with some puke on it and that's what Jade REALLY hated. Anything that was gross on her clothes and/or stuff and she was always complaining if her hair or clothes were screwed up and she'd slap anyone who'd disagree that her clothes looked good even if it was her best friend.

Then Bebe was busy squeezing orange juice in Jade's makeup.

"All done," whispered Bebe, down to the gang. "Serves her right!"

"Who the hell was that?" said Jade, hearing Bebe's voice as Bebe jumped down the window so she wouldn't get caught.

Meanwhile, Cartman got into a fight with Jade, oblivious to the fact that Mercades was Cartman in disguise to get back at her.

"Watch my 100 dollar blouse, bitch!!"

"Who you callin' a bitch, you whore! You cheated on Cartman and now he' cryin' his ass off! Now who's the bitch?!"

Then Jade tore Cartman's skirt that he stole from Jade only to find out that he was wearing boxers and was a total boy.

"You son of a bitch!" screamed Jade. "You just wanted to beat me up just because I was going out with Stan Marsh, your friend!"

Then Cartman gave her not only a shocked look but an angry look.

"Oh shit," said Jade. "I said way too much..."

Then Cartman gestured the gang to come in to torture her much more.

"You dated my friend Cartman behind my back!" said Stan.

"You stole my best friend!" said Wendy.

"You called my family stupid and that's Cartman's job!" snapped Kyle.

"You jacked a bunch of my shirts when I wasn't home!" said Powder.

"You called me a stupid blonde bitch who was a gold digger!" snapped Bebe.

"You screwed my friends over!" screamed Kenny even though it was totally inaudible because he had has parka hood on. "It's no wonder Bebe moved away from you!!!!"

"Fuck off guys! Get out! I'm gonna see you tomorrow and you're gonna die!!"

So... will she really beat them up or is she going is on them? 


	6. A Mean Farewell

Chapter Six: An Angry Farewell

"What do you want from us Jade? You cheated on me and screwed a bunch of us over!" said Cartman.

"I just wanted to let you guys know I'm going to boot camp and I might return depending if my mom says I can," said Jade.

"Nice sob story, what's your point?" said Kenny.

"The point is I'm sorry that I screwed you guys over. I'll individual apoligies," said Jade. "Bebe, I'm sorry I called you a stupid bitchy blonde who's a gold digger, Stan and Cartman, I'm sorry I totally dated both of you behind your backs, Kyle, I'm sorry I called you family stupid, Wendy, I'm sorry I stole your best friend and Powder, I'm sorry I stole a bunch your clothes."

Then they all thought about it. Here are each individual's thoughts:

Bebe's Thoughts: "Well she does seem convincing, but should I really accept her apology for calling me a stupid bitchy blonde who'd only marry for money?"

Butters' Thoughts: "I don't think we should forgive and forget about what she did!"

Cartman's Thoughts: "No way! I'm not accepting her apology! She's just manipulating me!"

Kenny's Thoughts: "Forget about her!"

Kyle's Thoughts: "Oh no! She called my family stupid! That's Cartman's job!"

Powder's Thoughts: "I agree with everyone that says we shouldn't forgive her!"

Stan's Thoughts: "Well, it could go either way. She could really mean it or she could be manipulating us! No way! Screw her!"

Wendy's Thoughts: "Go screw yourself, Jade."

Then their thoughts all came together and they said "Apology NOT ACCEPTED!"

"Well fine then, you won't hear the last of me!" said Jade. "I'll be back and make your lives a living hell! Even if that means I have to sneak out of boot camp and kill you all! I thought we were friends Bebe!"

"We were," said Bebe. "But you were acting like a bitch and that drove me away!"

"Butters, Cartman and Stan," began Jade, flipping them off. "Burn in hell. Same with you, Kenny. Kyle, do the same. Wendy, go be with your bitchy BFF."

"Get out of here, Jade," said Kyle. "We don't ever want to see you again!"

"Screw you guys then," said Jade.

Then Jade, walked away to her plane which was titled "Bitchy Airlines."

Then everyone, after a week or so, totally forgot about Jade and hoped to never hear from her again.

So... if there is sequel, will Jade return or will she have someone like her take her place? 


End file.
